Help Desk Confessionals

Funnie

(from laradio.com)

It was the first day of school and a new student named Pedro Martinez, the son of a Mexican restaurateur, entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. "Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?' "She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Pedro, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775."

"Very good!" said the teacher. "Now, who said, "Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth?"

Again, no response except from Pedro: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863."

The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed! Pedro, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do!"

She heard a loud whisper: "Screw the Mexicans!"

"Who said that?" she demanded.

Pedro put his hand up. "Jim Bowie, 1836."

At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke." The teacher glared and asked, "All right! Now, who said that?"

Again, Pedro answered, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."

Now furious, another student yelled, "Oh yeah? Suck this!"

Pedro jumped out of his chair waving his hand and shouting to the teacher, "Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"

Now, with almost a mob hysteria, someone said, "You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you!"

Pedro frantically yelled at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy, 2001."

The teacher fainted, and as the class gathered around her on the floor, someone said, "Oh shit, we're in BIG trouble now!"

Pedro whispered, "Saddam Hussein, 2003."

Finally someone throws a eraser at Pedro, someone shouted "Duck"! The teacher, just waking, asked "Who said that?

Pedro called out, "Dick Cheney 2006!"

"What do you call a black guy in a bank with a gun? A security gaurd, ya racist!"

Nosepicking for Pleasure

More so than masturbation, I can now pick my nose without feeling guilty.

Day Without Immigrants

We are the people who come here to work, often without benefits, at substandard wages, and are probably discriminated one way or another.

The Bill has it all wrong.

The criminals are the ones who do not work but collect welfare and benefits, the company CEOs who leave their jobs with billion dollar pension plans, and are probably the ones who discriminate.

God bless America.

(from laradio.com)

Live Action Simpsons Opening

This is way too cool...

Tagged, Again

Two Parts of Your Heritage
1. Chinese - the beefier northern breed.
2. Someone had mentoned that there may be some Mongolian blood in the family. Cool!

Two Things That Scare You
1. Something bad happen to my wife or my two children.
2. Bad drivers, and there are way too many of them.

Two fears you overcame
1. Public speaking. Twelve years of teaching aerobics did the trick.
2. Dating and Relatonship - for the longest time I couldn't.

Two of Your Everyday Essentials
1. Internet - how did we ever live without it??
2. Diet Coke (with Lime)

Two things you are Wearing Right Now
1. Short sleeve button down shirt. No tie.
2. Dark green cargo pants.

Two things you wore too much this year
1. My black FILA workout shoes
2. The same pair of black leather shoes that I wear in the office every day.

This year's Favorite Bands or Musical Artists
1. Kelly Clarkson. (Never would have thought...)
2. Rolling Stones, who put out their best album in years.

Two Things You Want in a Relationship
1. Caring.
2. Companionship

Two of your favorite Movies of the Year
1. Mr & Mrs Smith. I wish all of us married couples could fight like that once in awhile. Divorce rate would drop.
2. Star Wars Revenge of the Sith - the light saber dual between Anakin and Obi-wan made up for the stupid dialog in the movie.

Best movies of all time
1. The Sting - everything I like in a movie, this one has.
2. My Cousin Vinny (What's a yout?)

Two things You hate
1. Traffic in L.A.
2. Deadlines.

Two of Your Favorite Hobbies
1. Program my own radio station and webcast it.
2. Road trippin- even though I haven't done that for awhile.

Two things you learned this year
1. Two kids = four times the work.
2. My wife is a superwoman.

Two Accomplishments You are Proud of
1. Being a daddy.
2. Worked for the county for 15 years. My first and only job.

Two Things You Want Really Badly
1. A promotion.
2. Free time.

Two places you went this year.
1. Delivery room where my daughter was born.
2. My mom's house - and stayed there for 2 1/2 months while waiting for the new house to complete.

Two Places You Want to go on Vacation
1. San Francisco
2. Hong Kong

Two Things You Want to Do Before You Die
1. Walk my 9-mo daughter down the aisle in her wedding someday.
2. Walk the Great Wall with my wife.

Two Ways that you are a Stereotypical Example of your Gender
1. I'm a gadget freak
2. My ideal fall Saturday afternoon is eating chips and salsa while watching college football.

Two things that make you stand out.
1. Good with numbers.
2. Never get lost.

Two Things You Normally Wouldn't Admit
1. I spent way too much time goofing off at work.
2. Sometimes I miss the freedom of being single.

Two Goals for the New Year
1. Be on time more often.
2. No speeding tickets.